Because people won’t stop asking…I don’t want to drink
anymore, b/c I don’t want to.
In high school and college I was focused. I knew what I
wanted, I went after it, and 90% of the time I got it. Not to say
disappointments didn’t exist, but I feel, in general, I have had more success
than failure. That doesn’t mean that what I achieved didn’t come without
struggle…Yes, I don’t live in a 3rd World country and I can’t
remember the last time I missed a meal, but it’s all relative.
During my high school years I didn’t drink, I didn’t hang
out with people who did, I was extremely anti-drug, could not fathom letting a
cigarette touch my lips, and had little interest in anything but sports and
boys. Besides speeding, all illegal activities just seemed like a way to fuck
up everything I spent my time working for. It was in my interest to avoid these
things. It wasn’t hard. I grew up in a household that was virtually dry. (Having
6 kids doesn’t leave much time or money to dedicate to booze.) My friends were
also student athletes who had similar mindsets.
College was a little different. I slowly became acclimated
to the drankin’. Went to parties, learned to play games…everything you’d expect
based on movies, but on a much
smaller scale. Off-season consisted of parties and goofing off, falling in line
with the crowd. During softball I refrained. I wanted to be in tip-top shape at
all times; not to say there weren’t special occasions, but for the most part it
was not an element of my life from January through mid-May. Similar to high
school, I’d rather play sports and get good grades than lay in bed with
terrible breath moaning about my head ache and regretting whatever the fuck I
ate in my stupor. In summers, away from school I didn’t spend time or money on
hooch either. Few gatherings here and there, but mostly dry.
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| Yep. |
After graduation I learned about this new mentality: “Work
Hard, Play Hard.” This philosophy seemed to include working your ass off all
week and going out Fridays and Saturdays with friends, meeting new people,
drinking your weight, and trying to find a way home. I went out with my friends
from college, new colleagues, and my siblings. Thinking back now, I don’t know
why I drank. I don’t need to drink to loosen up; I’ll say whatever all the
time. I don’t need to drink to dance; I’m dancing right meow. I was certainly
not depressed. I did it only b/c that is what was happening around me; like a
yawn.
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| Accurate Representation of my former... |
After college I lost my drive/focus. I was a willing
participant in a “relationshit” that lasted 3 years and included relocation to
the Midwest, a 50-60 hour per week job, too much boozing and a 15 pound weight
gain. I don’t know if you have ever been to the Midwest, but in winter there
are few things to do. My outside of work activities typically consisted of:
watching sports at a bar, watching sports at home, watching sports at a
friend’s apartment, going to bars for birthday parties, going to bars for
Fridays, going to bars for Saturdays…have I established a clear enough pattern?
Additionally, in Chi you never need a DD…there are hundreds and thousands of
cabbies chomping at the bit to drive you wherever you need to go.
It isn’t that I ever felt pressured into drinking. I just
didn’t know what else to do, there were few other activities in which to
participate. I had too much time; I didn’t have enough awesome shit on my
schedule. I couldn’t schedule my life with the way my job worked, some days I
worked 8 hours, others 12…but I never knew more than a day or 2 in advance.
Basically what I am saying is I was a lazy asshole who followed around a group
of people trying to experience new things. (Turns out it was the same ol’ shit
every time.)
Luckily for me I found my way out back to the West Coast.
Even then I was lost. I had a job I wasn’t sure I wanted, all of my friends
were getting married or crappin’ out kids, my family was all jumbly…and I was
still without certainty about what I wanted from a professional standpoint. So
for several months I was more or less in the same rut, same routine…
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| Kinda Rad... |
THEN I got busy…I had my day job, sailing, my side job,
started riding my bike, it was SUMMER, some miscellaneous volunteer activities,
and just anything that came up. Granted there were downtimes, but typically
they are butted up directly with some highly physical activity that required me
to be at full strength…It was at this point I realized I had found my way back
to the high school kid who didn’t give a crap about dranks because there were
so many more interesting things to dedicate my time to. (This time it expanded
beyond sports and boys…but the idea is the same.)
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| Family Time... |
I would rather spend my time and money on things that are
actually fun, gasoline to get me places, foul weather gear for sailing in the
rain/cold/snow/sleet/hail, FOOD, kitchen gadgets, random stuffs for friends,
concert tickets, bike stuff, FOOD... When something is bad for their health
people decide to “quit” them. You never hear someone say, “I need to quit
brushing my teeth.” Or, “I should stop eating carrots…”
Whatever. That was way too much information. The point is I
want to run around and act like myself when I was 16, it was fun and I was
amped all the time. I feel the same now, except I have money to spend…which
makes it way more rad. Like every other fucking thing I have written about on this
blog, my advice for changing things is to just stop doing them. If you want to
do something, if it is really important to you, you will make it happen. So make
it happen, whatever it is.
